bread basket

   Often at Italian restaurants they bring out a complimentary bread basket and with it is butter, oil, vinegar, salt and pepper. This isnt ordered but expected and it isnt exactly what you want but you indulge anyway, mostly because it’s there and hey! Might as well. I started (better yet restarted) therapy recently and discussed with my therapist that the people I date are 'like the bread baskets at restaurants’, readily available, not exactly what you want but it's tempting enough to indulge. I find that recently I have been dating people because they are there, not necessarily because I have a desire to be with them. Much like the bread in that basket they aren’t undesirable, they are something that satisfies me for the time being. We go on fun dates, kiss semi-passionately and entertain each other, both secretly waiting for the entree we actually came for. It is true though that the bread basket does saistify us and it allows us to enjoy the wait of waiting for the meal we actually desire, the meal we have thought about for sooo long!!! However, being that bread basket and experiencing it sometimes leaves me hollow. I wonder if I fill up so much on that bread basket, that when the entree finally does come I will be too full, too exhausted, too congested to experience and enjoy that person fully. I wonder if I will even like the entree, is it even worth the wait, what if the bread is better than what I actually want, what if what I actually want isn’t even what I want anymore? These thoughts faintly reappear as I enjoy the bread basket, as I wait patiently for that perfect dish I desire, I pick up another piece of bread and dip it in the vinegar.